Friday, June 10, 2011

For all you rockers and grannies out there!

I eat drill bits for breakfast.

  The original piece of furniture, nay, the only piece of furniture you could sit on, other than a folding chair or desk chair, for at least my first six months in Salt Lake City, was a rocker glider chair. I re-covered the cushions my second night in the apartment while watching the 1974 sci-fi hit Zardoz-where In the far future, a young Sean Connery is a savage trained only to kill. Wearing little more than a diaper, Connery finds a way into the community of bored immortals who alone preserve humanity's achievements.

   Good memories- so of course I couldn't throw the chair out when it eventually cracked under the weights of Mark and I. Also being too lazy, and fat, we didn't throw the broken chair away, but let it continue to sit in our living room and then on the front porch for six additional months. Today I attempt to turn that old broken down chair into a guitar stand for my baby's new 12-string.





I get my work jacket on and compile my pliers, screwdrivers, hammer, and appropriate wrenches and allen keys. 
Taking things apart can be one of the most enjoyable or frustrating experiences. The best way to approach the task is to go for the most obvious and easiest connections, and your path will unfold in front of you.
Here I am removing the staples and springs with a hammer- two at a time. I had to use pliers to make sure the wood didn't have any staple edges stuck in it. It's an important safety step to remove nails or staples right away so you don't hurt yourself on them.
At least this one piece came off easy.
Really working the wrenches on this one. This rocking chair was outfitted together with all kinds of hardware.
Is that the door Igor?
"Mwaahahaha I have conquered you chair. Now you are in pieces." At this point I can put my eye to the design. I have a hand saw (not a power saw), so I wanted to make the least amount of cuts possible to put something new together. I liked the two pieces on your right, perpendicular to the floor- for shelves or a base on the guitar stand.
I decide I'll make three cuts before I realize how hard the wood is. I have my "Aha" moment somewhere near the end of the second cut, like "Oh, yeah, they advertise oak chairs all the time. That's a thing- oak rocking chairs, and oak is a very hard wood."
But I did not give up. In fact, I got a little smart here and left this piece of the chair intact for easier sawing.
This piece is going to connect to the narrowed chair back, and it needed shortened to fit into the grooved bottom.
I should admit at this point that Mark is right- this shape is not that of a traditional guitar stand. But it's still a guitar stand darn it! My plan is to wrap the bottom piece with yarn to cushion the bottom of the guitar.
Because it is such hard wood, I have to hold my whole body weight onto the drill and go really slow or the screw strips. That is not shown in the picture. This also killed my drill battery and I could only work in short shifts in between charges.
Attempt 1: FAIL
Going to pre-drill my holes. Select a bit smaller then your screw width and longer then the screw length.
Attempt 14: Acceptably straight.
Every single hole needed pre-drilled. Which required the switching back-and-forth drill bits, and lots of alignment issues. Here I drill holes and partially screw in my screws, allowing the last quarter inch above the wood. Then I can mark on the connecting wood where to drill my next holes.



This was the end of the drill bit. It gave it's life to get those two pieces together. RIP bit. Luckily my neighbors were stupid enough to loan me theirs to complete this GD disaster.
So one piece is done, but I need a base for it to rest on.
17 more battery charges, pre-drilled holes, bit changes, and temper-tantrums on my part and the base is put together.
New day and a fresh start. I'm going to wrap any pieces the guitar might touch with some soft yarn so it doesn't scratch.
Any which way.
Making sure the wood is still higher then the yarn so it will be flush when I screw it all together.
I added this piece on top for the guitar neck to rest against.
You guessed it- pre-drill bitches.
I'm finally ready connect my two parts. Of course, being a moron, I line up the back of the stand and the back of the base and start drilling.
I get my screws all the way in.
It looks pretty, but it will fall over if you put a guitar on it. All the weight is in the back.
After unscrewing and moving it around about three times, I got it balanced so it will precariously stand with a guitar on it. To be safe, I put it against the wall when I use it.



  This is the only time Mark's new guitar got anywhere near this stand I built for him (He was at work and didn't know). He lets me put his old guitar on it though, or we drape our hang up clothes over it when they come out of the dryer. 


   So the moral of the story here is- no matter how much you want to retool an oak rocker past it's prime, it's not a good idea. Don't follow these instructions, don't do this project! Also, I don't think guitar stands were in need of a re-design to begin with. I'll admit it- the ones you can buy at the store for $15 are waaay better than this one. 

The End

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